Most people who know me - especially those who've known me for a long time - would probably say I'm a "yes" person. Most of my life I'd been one to say yes to a spontaneous night out with friends, doing a favor for someone, meeting your second cousin's step sister for coffee because she's in town...
My general outlook was always why not? And that definitely led to fun experiences, meaningful "life talks" with friends, discovering new bands, travel, and memories.
But I'll be the first to admit when I COULDN'T be somewhere because of other obligations I'd feel a little anxious, and experience serious FOMO (fear of missing out.)
Do you ever have the sense of wanting to be in two places at once? Or know you should be focusing on rest and self care, but you push yourself anyway?
Social media definitely makes FOMO worst. Isn't it strange how you can be completely content - and then you open up Instagram and see photos of people on vacation hanging out on a boat as if they don't have a care in the world and you get a pang... like why am I sitting at my desk and these people are basking in the sun?
Or you were happy to hang home with your family and netflix for the weekend, but then you see your friends posting stories from a music festival, and suddenly the relaxing weekend you were looking forward to seems lackluster.
I used to have these thoughts. And then something shifted. I think it was the holiday season when I ran myself into the ground trying to make others happy by showing up to everything. (I also thought at the time I was making myself happy too.) I had a four month old baby, had just returned to work and somehow thought it was a good idea to fly to three states in two weeks to see family members, and in between that attend every party I was invited to.
My people-pleasing tendencies combined with the fear of missing out lead to major burnout when I ended up super sick for weeks. I could only blame myself. And when I thought about it - I wasn't even having that great of a time.
SO after some self reflection I learned - I didn't need to be everywhere. I could make a different choice - and feel OK - even really happy with "missing out."
A combination of our own personal disposition, and the fact that we see so much more of other people's lives these days because of social media makes it tough not to have some FOMO.
But you can get past it. I did. (Admittedly, part of it may be that your girl is getting a little older.)
Either way I've discovered a sense of JOMO - the joy of missing out. I say no to things without agonizing over my decision. And in turn feel more present for the things I say yes to.
Here's How to Get Over FOMO:
Be willing to not have it all.
This doesn't come easy to a lot of us women- we want to have a fulfilling career, a strong relationship with a partner, a family we spend quality time with, fulfilling female friendships... not to mention finding time for fitness, taking care of our hair, skin, and nails while remaining a highly informed socially conscious human.
Buuuuut can we stop and think about what we want the MOST? That's what we should be prioritizing. If what you really want is quality relationships with a few key people then you need to spend time cultivating them, and maybe put casual friends or acquaintances on the back burner. If you're desperate to get your health in order and cook healthy meals during the week then you may need to carve out extra time for meal planning and skip catching up on Real Housewives on Sundays.
Whatever it is that you care about the most focus on that. This takes away that I must be doing all the things feeling.
This is one is simple, but kind of life changing if you're currently missing this component. When we consider how lucky we are to have simply woke up in a safe home with access to clean water, and food... things that some people on this planet don't have we realize how lucky we are. And missing that party your friends said was the best night ever doesn't seem like a big deal.
Consider you may not actually be missing out.
Game changer. Here's the reality, friends, sometimes things on social media look a lot more fun that they actually were. I've noticed this at events where groups of girls get out their phone to record themselves dancing and smiling - and then they go back to ignoring each other and scrolling their feed. Um? Who needs that?
You can't be everywhere.
It's just the truth. No one - not Oprah, not even Beyonce can do all the things all the time. So why not prioritize, make decisions about where you actually want to spend time and energy - and be grateful for wherever you are.